the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
