Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
