first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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