There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
