i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's shark week go big or go home
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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