she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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