is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
