You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
