Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
