we made out on top of his cat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
