My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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