I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The uberlube is also flammable
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
