onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
