Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
