Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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