I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
