did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
