How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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