I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
