My sheets look like a crime scene.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
