if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
