Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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