saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
