im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
