the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
