I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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