I think i peed on brittanys purse
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
