I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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