im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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