I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
