So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
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it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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