the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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