How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
