terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
