im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize