I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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