Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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