you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Terrible idea I love it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
