The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
