Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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