i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
