She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
