So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
