Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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