I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's get the cat blown out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
