My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
