i was born a porn star she said
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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