Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sober January is a disaster.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
