you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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