it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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