So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
