Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
