I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you win again, gameday.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
