nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
