Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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