I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
