I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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