you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
