For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
