do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
