chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
