Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
this is an emotional support booty call
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
