there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
