i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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