She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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