Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
