i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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