Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
