we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
