If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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