I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
