So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
