evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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