Yo dont text me then not text me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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